Not to be confused with the political party from Quebec, the cock block can best be defined as an inhibitive action which protects or prevents a peer from a post-bar sexual experience.
To block cock or not to block cock? That is the question. This issue is not in any way black and white; it is deeper than all of Keanu Reeves’ movies combined. Cock blocking cannot simply be written off as a way to ruin fun or a jealous act. If you understand the art of the cock block to its full extent, you know that it is a delicate move that, if used carefully, can serve a humanitarian purpose.
We block cock for many reasons. Sometimes we spoil our buddies’ conquests for our own enjoyment; a well-placed beer spill or a drop of the “Where’s your girlfriend?” line at the opportune time can be all that is necessary to succeed in blocking cock. As a somewhat bitter individual, I admit that I have blocked the odd cock in my day — and enjoyed it.
My roommate is Australian and does fairly well with women. I have always found him to be no real prize, yet women seem to desire him only for his deep, throaty accent. I therefore used to take great pleasure in watching women react as I approached them in bars and told them he was faking his accent. Sure, I earned the odd smack in the face from my roommate due to my antics, but it was worth the sheer blocking of cock that took place.
Is this it? Is cock blocking only good for allowing a jealous little gremlin like myself to destroy my friends’ fun?
Wrong. The cock block can be noble. I’m talking “old guy at the mall during Christmas who rings the Salvation Army bell” noble — that kind of noble. Wait, did I go too far there? No.
A cock block can be a concerned friend preventing a sketchy customer from abducting her drunk pal at the Ridout (R.I.P.).
A cock block can be a soph during O-Week performing a walk home for an inebriated first-year student who was the apple of many eyes at the bar.
A cock block can even be a screening process! My Australian roommate’s story has a happy ending: his current girlfriend is in fact a living, breathing cock block survivor who saw past my childish games and fell for my roommate’s true charm. Thus, the cock block can actually reveal to you those who appreciate your character.
With great power comes great responsibility. We must therefore channel our inner cock blocker and use it to achieve great things in the world.