Gazette Staff

Dear Gazette,

I’m entering my womanhood and, after maintaining my virginity for 21 years, I’m ready to give away my flower. I’ve chosen Soph Formal as the day, but I’m worried about a size. I’ve heard it can hurt the first time, but I don’t want any tiny sausage. How big should I go?

TENDER ON TALBOT

He: Unless you’re planning to have a naked soph lineup, it’s unlikely you’ll have a choice in the matter. You could always slink around the dance floor, yanking in the name of research, but that might not go over well. Instead, prepare by kickin’ it nasty each night until the formal, thus preparing yourself and your “sister” for your real first time (one-nighters really don’t count).

She: Boys’ little toys should be the least of your concern. I mean, would you really rather lose your virginity to some beer-chugging butthole just because you think it won’t hurt as much? You’re better trying to find some sweet, sexy soph to get all sweaty with. But if it is too small... just claim you couldn’t find it, grab your clothes and get out.

Send queries for He Said/She Said, to gazette.entertainment@uwo.ca.