SPORTS
Letters from the edge
What the Shuk?
Mark Polishuk
Opinions Editor
Dear Brett Favre,
It's been quite a ride over your 11 years in Green Bay. Three
MVP awards, eight playoff appearances, a painkiller addiction,
a record-setting consecutive games played streak and a Super
Bowl win. That's a Hall of Fame resumé with absolutely nothing
left to prove.
So quit.
It's hard for me to admit as a longtime Packers fan (I even
own a cheesehead), but you guys are done this season. I know
it's never a good idea to completely rule a team out in the
National Parity League, but you guys, to quote Homer Simpson,
are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Your record is 1-2, which includes a win over the Lions (yawn),
a loss to Minnesota, whose star player (Randy Moss) decides
not to try on a weekly basis and a loss to... the Arizona Friggin'
Cardinals. I think the Mustangs could beat these guys.
The last play of that Arizona game, as you no doubt recall,
was an interception. You've become familiar with those in the
last two years, Brett. Sure, you've always been a feast-or-famine
type of quarterback, but remember back in the good ol' days,
when you had the accuracy, arm and just plain balls to throw
a missile into double coverage and still find a receiver. Those
tosses are getting intercepted on a more regular basis now.
Brett, the Packers' woes are certainly not all your fault.
The defense is OK, but won't win any games on their own. Your
receivers are mediocre at best and they can no longer make
the clutch catches Antonio Freeman or Robert Brooks did back
in the day. There's also the play calling of offensive coordinator
Tom Rossley. If you do retire Brett, could you take Rossley
with you? He can mow your lawn or something.
It's very possible you have some good football left and I
hope we see it sometime this season. Your retirement, Brett
is intended as a symbolic gesture. Your retirement will mark
the end of the 1990's glory era in Green Bay, a necessary step
in bringing the lustre back to the gold and green. Dallas had
to fire Tom Landry before they could begin a new Cowboys dynasty.
The best thing the Packers could do is burn everything down
and build it back up around Ahman Green, who still has a lot
of gas left in the tank.
Also, your retirement would end what I like to call the Curse
of Strahan. Remember the last game of 2001, where you intentionally
took a sack from Michael Strahan of the Giants so he could
set a new record for sacks in a year? Would Randy Johnson throw
a floater to Barry Bonds if Barry was going for homer number
74? Hell no. The football gods took this as a slap in the face
and thus, have decided to curse you (and thus, Green Bay) for
the rest of your career.
So in conclusion, you can stay around for one more year to
break in a young kid who can quarterback the Packers to future
Super Bowls. After that, it's time to call it a career and
head home to Mississippi until the Hall of Fame comes calling.
In the words of another great (off-field) gambler, you've got
to know when to hold them and when to fold them.
