If there's ever a quote that sums up the Ontario Liberal and
Progressive Conservative parties, this is it. We're less than
a week away from the election for premier and Ontarians have
the unique opportunity to vote for a party they can rely on.
In the case of the Liberals, they can be relied on to do nothing.
We've seen it over the last 10 years at the federal level with
Jean Chretien; the most memorable Chretien moments for me were
his getting pie-faced and playing a round of golf with Tiger
Woods at the Canadian Open. Besides that, it's been a decade
of nothing with a side helping of nothing in Ottawa.
The Ontario people have caught on to this, which is why all
the talk about Dalton McGuinty has been about his snazzy new
image. Instead of the uncomfortable-looking, stiff robot we
saw back in 1999, now we have... a robot who does commercials
against a brick wall background. Wow, he's hip and urban! We'd
best be careful not to confuse him with Ludacris.
The fact Al Gore version 2.0 is leading in the polls is a
sign of just how badly the Conservatives have dropped the ball.
I will still vote Liberal because, on the chance McGuinty actually
feels proactive, I agree with several of the things that could
get done. I don't agree with many of the policies of the PCs,
but on the other hand, they live up to their promises. Mike
Harris, when he was first elected in 1995, promised to cut
spending and by God he sure did that. Then again, Hitler kept
a lot of his campaign promises too and that didn't exactly
work out so well. Ontario's hospitals and schools are smoldering
craters, but hey, at least the corporations got what they wanted.
There's also Howard Hampton and the NDP (which stands for
No Damn hoPe), who I'd actually vote for if I thought they
had a chance of winning. The NDP still have a way to go before
they live down the stigma of "Jim" Bob Rae's premiership a
decade ago - no truth to the rumour Rae actually used to set
fire to piles of money on the Queen's Park lawn, by the way.
So in this era where politicians lie, cheat and steal even
worse than Eddie Guerrero, it's heartening to know Ontario
can forget this caveat emptor crap. We know exactly what we'll
get if we elect either Dalton McGuinty or Ernie "Hair Gel" Eves.
Or, if you want unpredictability, you could just vote for
the Freedom Party. You could also be unpredictable by walking
into the voting station and swallowing your ballot - which
is pretty much the equivalent.
