Volume 96, Issue 78
Tuesday February 18, 2003
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GAZETTE ALUMNI SOCIETY

LAST UPDATED: Thursday, February 13, 2003 - 1:50 p.m.

Operation Pick Up:
We did it for the nookie

Dave Picard/Gazette

Once upon a time...

It all began with a simple realization.
It was a sad, sad realization — the majority of The Gazette staff is single. It’s not something we’re proud of, and we began to wonder, why are we so pathetically single? Like our fellow Western students, we’re all intelligent, energetic and best of all, we’re breathtakingly attractive.

So what’s wrong with us?

The problem: we have absolutely no idea how to pick up objects of our affection.

The answer: Operation Pick Up.

The objective: talk to, dance with, woo, taunt and flirt with as many people as possible and get them to call you the next day. This is what we think “picking up” means.

So, on one frighteningly cold Saturday night in January, a group of staff members (and a couple of their enthusiastic roommates) braved the sweat and smoke of London’s nightclubs and bars to bring you their favourite pickup techniques.

Unfortunately, not everyone is born a natural mack daddy or mack mommy. A few of us even gave up early into the night, but most of us emerged victorious that night, thanks to hours of thoughtful brainstorming with our friends, Captain Morgan and Alexander Keith.

We aren’t proud that we used fellow Western students to merely prove a point, write a story and feed our egos. We aren’t proud that some of us resolved to “whoring” ourselves on many-a dance floor. We lied to people; we led people on; we even got free drinks (usually out of pity, fear or a combination of both). It was dirty “investigative” journalism at its most attractive, or least attractive, depending on your perspective and morality.

Please forgive us.

If you were in our shoes, you would understand. We did it all for you. No, that’s not true, we did it all for the nookie.

—Andrea Chiu

Bell Tolls: Lessons learned at good old Ray's

On Sept. 17, 2002, I wrote a column entitled "Why do I go to the bars?" After spending a night trying to pickup at Jim Bob Ray's, I now know why.

I was asked to pose as a journalist writing a story on picking-up and the bogus lunacy girls hear when testosterone juiced penises, er men, try and woo them for 15 seconds of glory.