Volume 96, Issue 76
Thursday, February 13, 2003
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Where? The Concrete Beach
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Niru
Somayajula/Gazette |
The Concrete Beach is often littered with marketing schemes of all sorts. From annoying University Students' Council wannabes playing "cool music" for your vote, to stupid plastic card mascots, to corporate beauty companies whoring it up for your dollar, it seems people just can't get enough of other people in and around the University Community Centre. So, we figured, why not "whore" ourselves for a date or two, or three?
We sent "Sarah" out on to the Concrete Beach armed with a handful of flyers with the simple words "I need a date...[really]," her name and phone number. Surprisingly, the response was more than positive, partially due to the cute lovable puffy vest outfit she wore.
In almost no time, a group of guys were gathered around the poor girl like bees to honey. "Is this really you?" one asked. This question would end up being asked over and over again. Yes, she is really Sarah. Yes, she is really looking for a date. "Well, let's organize it right now." Boys, you make this too easy.
Sarah was out on the beach for less than half an hour before she distributed all her flyers. She managed to pawn off almost 50 flyers, including one to a boy and his girlfriend, who walked by, turned around and exclaimed a mutual "that's awesome." Perhaps the girl was the one who later called, naming herself "Jessica." The flier says "need a date," not "a threesome."
Alternatives: Try throwing a handful of flyers over a balcony or second-story window onto a busy street. This gives people passing by the impression you are giving out free money. They may or may not be pleasantly surprised that it's free booty instead. During warmer weather, use tactics such as sidewalk chalk to reach a wider audience.
Final words of wisdom: Have lots of flyers to distribute and bring some ID with you to prove that you actually are the person you claim to be.
–Andrea Chiu
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