Volume 96, Issue 53
Tuesday, December 3, 2002
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The Usual Suspects: Testosterone overdose
By Chris
Webden
Gazette Staff
Western's favourite thieves and drunks were back at work last weekend, leading many of us to question where all of the holiday spirit has gone.
According to Const. Colleen Kelly, spokesperson for the University Police Department, Western saw its fair share of late-night action this past week.
On Nov. 29, at 11:25 p.m., an intoxicated female had to be taken to the hospital from the Great Hall. Far be it from The Gazette to judge, but anybody who passes out before midnight is obviously not very much fun to drink with – the party was likely better off without her.
On Nov. 30, the number of men looking to release pent up testosterone saw a dramatic rise in and around campus. After the final tally, four fights were reported on campus, two of which the UPD were able to break up, one of which the London Police Department took care of, and the last of which had broken up before the UPD arrived on the scene.
In the hopes that there are not too many neanderthals out there who like to exchange knuckle sandwiches in an attempt to feel cool, The Gazette would like to propose that all fights now be resolved by seeing who can beat the crap out of themselves the most, ˆ la Jim Carrey in the film Liar, Liar.
There were more things than just haymakers being thrown on the Concrete Beach in front of the University Community Centre over the weekend. On Nov. 30, a window of the UCC was broken with a rock at approximately 2:17 a.m.. UPD officers questioned a group of males following the incident, but no charges were laid.
The people questioned claimed that the window was broken by a male student with dark hair and blonde highlights, wearing a wool peacoat, winter boots and toque, and talking on a cell phone. As a result of the description, the UPD have managed to narrow down their list of suspects to 15,348.